In the city, right? The other day. I don’t like going into the city centre much. It’s too busy and too noisy. But I noticed something else as well.
What’s the deal with people rushing everywhere? People race here and there as if they’re in urgent need of the bathroom. When it comes to escalators, It does my head in.
It’s as if there is a law in the city, unwritten, yet enforced with the force of medieval feudalism. Anyone standing on an escalator clings to the right-hand handrail. Like they dangle over an abyss. While the people on the left? They sprint upward with the frantic desperation of people fleeing a burning building.
If you dare to stand on the left, even for a moment? Bloody hell.
There’s a chorus of sharp tuts and pissed-off huffs behind you.
I ask you: why the hurry?
We invented the escalator for a simple reason. So tired legs could get a rest from walking around.
It is a mechanical staircase that moves for you. To run up a moving staircase strikes me as a daft philosophical failure. Equal to taking a taxi and jogging alongside the passenger door.
The other day, I decided to test the waters. I stood on the left. It took about three seconds. A young bloke. Wearing noise-cancelling headphones and a suit three sizes too small barked at me. “Excuse me! Left is for walking!”
“Mate,” I replied, turning as easy as my aching back would allow. “This mechanical conveyor is carrying us skyward at a decent pace. Whatever you are rushing to, three seconds on a moving rubber tread will not save your career.”
He glared at me as though I had advocated for the abolishment of the Magna Carta.
We have become a society terrified of thirty seconds of quiet inertia. Back in the day, we set our alarms early enough that we didn’t have to rush everywhere. I reckon folks these days need to learn how to set an alarm clock. And how to get out of bed earlier. Then they wouldn’t be tearing about. And running up escalators as if their trousers were on fire.
Right, I’m going to stand still in our kitchen. While the kettle is boiling.